The Truth
About
Therapy
Three years of therapy taught me it's not about getting fixed in an hour. It's about building mental muscle over time.
I'd like to talk about therapy and mental health, because if you haven't done it before, it's important to understand what it actually is. Therapy is not about going somewhere, talking to someone for an hour, and getting fixed. It's about going somewhere, talking to them for an hour every week, for a minimum of years.
It took me three years to realize what therapy is actually about. It's about helping you recognize what the truth is and what isn't. The truth is, depression is about your mind overcompensating for situations you were put in - sometimes maybe even decades before you realize the issue.
The Reality: In my case, progressively I get transported back to when I was eight or younger, when I was most fragile - I'm a scared child, everyone around me is an adult, and as an adult now, I have no confidence in myself.
What Therapy Actually Does
I believe everything is my fault, that I've done something wrong, that I must be in trouble. So I fall back to this place because that's what I was taught - how to deal with that situation in that particular way.
You know what they say about the best time to plant a tree - 50 years ago. The second best time is right now, as soon as possible. Same with therapy. Speaking to someone, building a relationship, learning to trust someone else to let them help you.
You go over things over and over and over again to let them help you see what is the truth and what isn't.
Building Trust Takes Time
You don't build trust overnight. You might be able to build a habit in seven weeks, whatever it is they say it takes, but learning to trust that you can tell somebody else the terrifying things that you believe are making you mad - where I thought I was the only one. I wasn't. I was just the only one that realized it.
Where I thought it must be me, I learned to see the truth - when it was me and when it wasn't, when it was just something my mind learned to do to cope with a situation to protect me.
The Ongoing Reality
I still feel down, I still feel scared, but I can manage that better now. It's not that I've accepted my situation - I still doubt myself every day, still use old coping mechanisms that no longer work for me in situations where I really shouldn't, where they do nothing to help me and often do the opposite.
But I am learning to trust, and not just trust myself.
A Friend's Misconception
I saw a friend this weekend who's going through a divorce. He told me that he wasn't ready for therapy because he was in the thick of it and it would just be something he could offload about. But that's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about building the muscle in your mind. It's training that makes you human, makes you stronger, makes you better.
What We're Not Taught
We're not taught this in school. School teaches you many things, but not necessarily the right way of managing your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes you need to get a different kind of support. Sometimes you just need someone to help you get back in line, someone to bring out the strength that was always there.
Even though I've been given the best of everything, and I'm very fortunate - I believe I'm very blessed - I still have amazing friendships built at school, love I've made after school, friends, a wife, children. I've achieved what I believe is great success. I'm still learning.
The Daily Reality
I don't remember every day that I'm lucky. The thing with depression is your mind always goes back to some weird default, and it's hard to remember that it does that. That default might be a bad place - for me it is anyway, because as I said, I'm scared and fragile.
Somehow I have to remind myself at some point that I am lucky, and that I want everyone else to have the same chance.
Therapy Should Be Standard
Therapy should be standard. It should be started as soon as possible. It should just be what you do. Maybe "therapy" isn't the right word for it. Maybe it should be renamed - mind building, mind training, mind reset, bridging the gap. I don't know.
"Therapy" sounds like something's wrong, like it's for sick people, and that puts people off.
The Truth About Internal Battles
In the same way that school isn't right - not every child, teenager, or adult can talk about their feelings. Everyone should be taught to learn about their feelings, to talk about their feelings. Everyone should learn to do it well, because the truth is, most of the time it's actually you against you.
There is competition with others, but the person that trips you up the most is the one inside your head.
The Bottom Line
Go to therapy, or whatever you want to call it. Get help. You'll be better for it. If you don't do it for you, do it for somebody else - your children, your friends.
Mental health is just as important as physical health. If you're struggling, there's no shame in getting help. It's not about being broken - it's about building strength.
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